Here Lies the Ice Queen
by ImaginativeandArgumentative
Summary: Her name was Killer Frost. Her heart was ice. She prided herself in this. Caitlin had a cold demeanor, but relied on the warm hearts of others. So how did she end up on the floor mourning a man she had grieved for countless times? With her own weapon as her down fall? God. She envied her earth-1 doppelgänger.
1. Frigid Narcissist

**Author's Notes**

 **I know this chapter is really boring but I promise the next chapter will be much more dramatic.**

 **Prologue**

Cait couldn't get over the she was having. She flunked out of med school and she had to move back in with her mother. For anyone else it would have been sad and embarrassing. Oh, but not for Caitlin Lauren her it was torture.

She could go a five hour rant about how her mother was a snobby, self-conceited, and bitter, not to mentioned an egotistical self-center b-

Caitlin took a deep breath to calmed herself down. It didn't work and she began to unpack her stuff quite tensely. She couldn't see how this day could get any worst. _Maybe Ronnie will cancel our date tonight and break up with me,_ she thought. _Yeah, that would be a real slap to the face_.

Tonight Ronnie was taking her for a night on the town. First they were going to have dinner at The Fuddy-Duddy, then they were going to Jitterbugs for some drinks. It wasn't anything special but since Ronnie was missing the activation of the particle accelerator Cait felt as it was proof that he loved her.

Try as she might she couldn't help but feel like she needed people to prove their love to her. It wasn't like she had been nurtured off it. Her mother was self-conceited and apathetic, her father died of MS when she was 6 and her older brother, Charlie died in a car accident when she was 11. When Cait was younger she would sometimes wonder if she was even loved.

Her mother was the main perpetrator though. Her selfishness and overall state of being emotionally barred and blunt had done nothing for Cait.

Caitlin remembered the day she told her mother about Ronnie, hoping that for just once she'd be excited for Cait, instead her mother ranted off the negative.

"So? He designs things, any toddler can do that. If you ask me he's a terrible investment."

Investment. That's how her mother saw people objects, play things used to get to the top.

Caitlin shook those thoughts from her head ignoring them. Tonight was for her and Ronnie and nothing was going to stop that.

At least that's how it was suppose to be.


	2. Never Got That Wedding Invite

**Author's Notes**

 **I might change the rating to T because there's going to be death. Nothing too gruesome, it would probably be in the show's rating. I'll have you guy's decide. Do you think** ** _The Flash_** **would be rated K+ or T?**

On their way to Jitterbugs they took a detour through the water front.

It had just got dark out. A purple tint stretched out through the horizon just noticeable enough to see. Netting lights hung from the bare trees. It looked so peaceful, Cait couldn't help take a deep breath and gawk.

Ronnie led her to a bench by the shore. A short cold floated through.

"Caitlin," he grasped her hands. "I don't know how to say this, but I love you. I love more than anything really." _Where is this going?_ She wondered. "About five years ago I met you at Mercury Labs. We were both part of the intern program. You seemed distant. You seemed cold. you were a challenge I wanted to t-"

"Are you going to tell me how we met or is there a point to this," Cait said jokingly. To be honest she still didn't know what was going on.

He chuckled.

"Well believe it or not there is a point to this." He fished something from his jacket and began to kneel. Caitlin's breath hitched creating a hiccup of a gasp. "Caitlin Lauren Snow will do the honor of m-"

He didn't really need to finish that sentence.

"YES! YES! YES!" She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him passionately on the lips.

When they finished. He slipped the ring on her finger.

"Now how 'bout we get going to Ji-" **BA-DA-BUP! BA-DA-BUP-BUP!** Ronnie's phone went off.

He picked it up. "Hello?- What?- Yes. I understand. I'll be right there."

"Baby, is something wrong"

"Cait." He looked at her with pain. "I've got to go and help. Somethings not working right and I need to be there"

"I understand. You're the head engineer and they need you. I get it." It was true she did understand, but she still couldn't help but feel cheated. She knew it was selfish but could you blame her she literally just got engaged and he had to leave.

Caitlin decided to come along. Jitterbugs would be open until eleven tonight. They could just wait until this was all sorted out. It wasn't like the lounge required a reservation.

S.T.A.R. Labs was the hub of anything related to the term industrious. It spewed out the discoveries and inventions of the century like it was nothing. The fact Ronnie even got a chance to work here, much less be the head engineer of one their most ambitious projects, meant a lot to him. Cait could see that he was very proud of himself and of his work.

She loved seeing him light up. If it made him happy then it made her very happy.

 **End of Prologue**


	3. Down

**Author's Notes**

 **I need to apologize for the future and probably now. I procrastinated and then forgot and I'm sorry. I can't promise a "schedule" but I can promise you that I'll try to be consistent.**

Frost looked backed on that day for two years unable to shake that feeling of regret. Maybe if she didn't let him go, told him that STAR was fine on its own, that there plenty of capable people and he could rest for once. Maybe she wouldn't be in this cell. Maybe Ronnie wouldn't be dead. Maybe she'd be more innocent. Only if she had been willing to be selfish.

She didn't remember much after Ronnie was rushed inside. She remembered waiting outside. She remembered it getting cooler out. She remembered feeling nauseous and feeling as though she was going to throw up when they told he had died venting the accelerator.

Vaporized they said. There wasn't even a body to bury. No proof he had existed except the disconnected heart wrenching feeling in her gut. The one who screamed in her ears a mantra. He wasn't gone. He's not gone. He's here. This can't be. This isn't happening. This isn't how it should go. She felt herself hyperventilating, her skin prickling.

She signed wavers and agreements. She wanted yell, throw a tantrum. They told her that she couldn't say anything about what little she knew. To these people Ronnie was a name. Not a life. Not something of worth. A name. A name could be said without remorse. Without pain. It made her mad. It made her want to clench her unfeeling hands.

They were so cold.

From there on her life was a blur. Her mascara, a smear. Her thoughts a smudge and completely incoherent. There she lied unfeeling and void. Her core frozen, her body unable to feel warmth. She yearned to feel numb but every other feeling was already dull and grey, and imperceptible to her laggard mind this was the only thing letting her know she was alive. And she hated it.

Miserable and silent, that's how Caitlin lied on her bed for weeks. She wanted nothing more to stay right where she was. To stay and wallow in grief but weeks had past and she knew she had to get off the bed eventually. There was nothing stopping her though and a little voice in her mind agreed. There was nothing to get up for. No reason to make an effort. It wasn't like her mother cared for what was going on. She ignored her. Caitlin didn't need to get up. She could let this weight crush her there was no reason to stop it. She could forget warmth. The strange hunger could stay unsatisfied. She could be consumed by this numbness. This slow and churning storm of apathy and despair. Because. It. Didn't. Matter.

Oh how Caitlin wanted it to matter but it was an afterthought. It was only an afterthought. The back of her mind screamed at her this wasn't healthy and she needed to try but the front of mind didn't want to change anything. She wanted to curl up in a ball and hear the _click click click_ of fan overhead while she lay on the verge of pointless tears. Lying in sweet misery. Shivering with no cease.

The icy feeling stayed with her. In fact it worsened. It didn't prickle her skin while her center remained void anymore. Instead it gnawed on bones of ice rest. It came from her core icy and insatiable. It was like she hungered for heat but no matter what she did she'd always be cold. She remembered feeling like this when she had a fever. That's what it probably was, right? She probably was sick. But then why did it feel like something else?

Caitlin finally got herself off the couch. It had been what? A week? Two? She had to get off it eventually, yet she didn't feel like there was point. There was no reason to get off the couch. She had no life that needed her. nothing to do. No classes to drag herself to. nothing to keep mind busy and no one to wipe the tears.

She got up and she tried to finish unpacking. It was a small task. She could do it. She could breakdown sobbing on that floor when she saw that photo of them. she could start that cycle again. she could go to a mirror talk to herself so would break, to talk herself out from 'being dramatic' as her mother had put it. She could do that and she could fail.

Frost remembered those few moments so vividly, so clearly that it might have happened seconds ago. That moment her mind shut off. The weight from the grief of Ronnie dissipated like a cloud of dust and it revealed the end of Caitlin Snow. The beginning of Frost and later her downfall. The downfall of a Queen.


	4. Aftermath

Caitlin tried to unpacked. She truly did but slow sticky thoughts inched their way around her head. It took her about an hour to convince herself to get up and when she finally did those molasses thoughts lagged throughout her mind.

She felt slow and tired. Her eyes were heavy as if a magnet was pulling them from the back of her head. It was like she was stuck in frozen oil.

Her head was swaying faster than she could function. Her arms and legs felt as if they were filled vacuumed air. Her brain was filled with slow thoughts that had stuck themselves to to the back of her brain. Her chest was made of a watery bubble wavering with every breath.

She felt miserable.

She didn't want to feel.

The cold made it worst. It gnawed on her more and more, right at her stomach. She felt nauseous. Like when you blast the heat after not eating anything.

She knew she couldn't have been sick.

She didn't go straight to unpacking instead she dragged to the bathroom to wash her face. A big part of her wondered why she was doing it. The thought that curling up waiting for the miserable world to melt away was better than struggling. Even though world wouldn't melt, it would mute, and the dull stab in her chest wouldn't feel so overwhelming.

She turned on the hot water and put her hand in the basin.

Her hands felt if someone had slapped her and then vacuumed her fingers. Her hands must have been colder than- her hand. Her hand!. Mist was flowing over it. And the water.

It had froze.

Caitlin try to comprehend what was going on while ice spread from her hand and grew to cover the counter.

She panicked. There was no way this anything close to possible The ice began to spread faster, covering the door. Icicles began to form jagged details from the ceiling.

The slurry of her mind told her to run. Preserve herself. It didn't matter if this was a dream or not, those icicles would defiantly impale her! (Right?!)

She tried to calm down and figure out a way to get out of this dream. Or at least the room. In the dream. This was definitely a dream. There was no way this was real life.

Right?

The ice became a thin veil that threatened to cover the room.

She'd be trapped if this kept up.

She stared at the mirror choking, trying to get a hold of herself. Whispering to herself a mantra. A way to get out of this. Anything to get herself to stop.

She hiccuped she tried to count back from ten. She had to find herself out of this.

If by some strange miracle this wasn't a dream she hoped the pipes wouldn't freeze.

She looked at her reflection. The ice was still escaping from the mist diffusing from her hand.

The reflection looked back and she hiccuped.

There was no way her lips could be that shade of sapphire. Or her hair could be that white and dull ashy mess coming from the roots.

But it was.

It was her reflection. She was the reflection and it was impossible. This was impossible and had to be a dream. This and the ice, it must have be part of some sort of dream.

It had to be.

But she realized the cold feeling had been quelled. 

Caitlin wasn't going crazy but she did believe that, as impossible as it was, she had caused this

She also had no idea how long she had been in the bathroom.

It seemed to be eons in which life had past and she had been asleep. And yet the glacial setting in the bathroom was still there, not melting.

She had to think over what she would do about her hair.

Although her eyes had returned to their earthen tone and her lips were fading back to there original colour, her hair wasn't changing.

She was stuck with pale streaks much to big to hide or explain.

She heard the downstairs door open. She was lucky her mother never paid attention to her when she got home.

The ice was still there.

Her mother went up the stairs. She didn't panic; her mother wouldn't check on her.

Caitlin heard her bedroom door creak open.

Of all the chances her mother had to be concerned?

"CAITLIN?" Her mother called out. She mumbled something under her breath.

Caitlin knew two ways she could explain her hair.

The truth and an unsupported lie.

Caitlin felt a vacuous and icy feeling return to her core.

 _A truth and an unusable lie,_ she thought.

Her mother walked closer.

She opened the door.

The world was plunged into a white blur. It was like her muscles reacted with no order, no thought. A second nature. An impulse took over her

Pale became paler as color drained from the absent mother's face. Her face became blue and ice began to spread on the body to which it was attached.

Caitlin came back to reality. A face frozen in shock faced her.

Caitlin tensed. The crystallized corpse fell and shattered.

Her mother was dead. She had killed her mother.

She had killed someone. She had killed someone with powers she didn't understand. She had killed her mother with abilities that were impossible.

She want to scream. She wanted to wake up. To be on that cursed couch and miserable.

But she didn't.

Her breath came out puffs of mist. Her mother was still in pieces on the floor. She knew if she looked in the mirror she'd look like a corpse with platinum hair. She didn't scream but stood frozen. Watching her life take an even sharper decline. Her shambling life in even more pieces.

The worst part of this was that she sort of liked it. She was somehow in power, she was somehow stronger going of that blurry impulse. She loved it and that terrified her.

Whether it was panic or her own failure to organize herself, Caitlin had the "brilliant" idea to run. To get away from the scene and never return without any further plan.

She didn't know where to go, but she wouldn't have to know. In the distance someone was watching her. They knew all about her. This had already played out for them.

They were going to use her. But first they had to break her and any strong scruples she owned.

They were lucky she was already cracked.

 **Author's Note**

 **So I want to put some things out here:**

 **1)** **This story was written for me by me. I made this for fun and so like anything made for fun it is affect by free time, energy and in this case** _~Muse~_ ** _._ Anybody following or thinking to follow (or in some cases bookmark or leave the tab open on) this story should know that I'm going to be rubbish at updating. And to anybody following: unfollow if you wish. I don't mind I'm making this for me.**

 **2) I know the chapters are garbage and I wanted to thank anybody who's still reading to this chapter. I've read and cringed the second After I published, I know wouldn't continue to read. The ending of this one has severe cringe-worthiness.**

 **I'll try to back and alter those short wth-is-happening type chapters.**

 **3) If you really like reading this for some weird reason your going to hate me for this, but... this chapter has basically been done since July of 2017.**


End file.
